She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
