Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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