just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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