wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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