I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
