In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
