OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I want to have your abortion
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
