I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
