sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Life is so much better after having sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
