It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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