so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
