Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
