I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
