dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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