I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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