I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
