Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
