I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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