i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
