This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
