Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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