a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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