I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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