I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
