Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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