this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
