Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
