took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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