don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
