; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
