I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
