You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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