I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
