God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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