sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Randomize
