I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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