DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
