this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
