A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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