she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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