Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
