Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am naked and annoyed.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
