good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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