THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
