i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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