She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
