dude i'm inner monologue high
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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