they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize