I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
