I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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