I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
