Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
