There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
