"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
