So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
