Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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