I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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