He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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