i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
