You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize