so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
