Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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