can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
