she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
