Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You made out with two different species that night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
