Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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