The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize