For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
