just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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