another moral hangover. fuck.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize