Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
