I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
