Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize