Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
