I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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