Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
