my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize