once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
