im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
