I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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