So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
