Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize