I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im holly from the hills drunk
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
