Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
