i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize