why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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