great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
