the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
