She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize