Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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