:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
