guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
