We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
