My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
