My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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