i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
