Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
