Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
