Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
