Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
