there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Farmville is her only friend.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
